Fine, 15 times Carrie Bradshaw was wrong

Letting the haters win this round.

I love Carrie Bradshaw and I won’t apologize for it. Doesn't mean I’ll defend everything she does, but she’s compulsively watchable. It’s fun to see a childfree woman in her 30s with endless free time and — despite her financial irresponsibility — an unlimited budget for cosmos.

I like spending time with all the anti-heroes. Tony Soprano, Hannah Horvath, the Succession kids, and even those douchebags on Entourage. If it’s on HBO, I’m there. We’ve agreed the Gilmore Girls are insufferable but we love them anyway. And they were slumming it on The WB.

All the “Carrie is the worst” takes are ice cold at this point, popularized by younger fans of the show reaching Carrie’s age (32+) and the rise of the “We Should All Be Mirandas" movement. I support the movement btw, as a longtime Miranda fan (she had the best arc, with Charlotte in a close second).

Back to Carrie. She brings the drama. She’s basically a socialite who gets paid to be messy. Otherwise what would she put in her column? That’s the other thing. She’s not only the main character of a TV show, but within the show, she’s the subject of a weekly account of her life in the fictional New York Star. If she’s self-absorbed it’s because readers were absorbed by her escapades for years.

Carrie lives life to the fullest. She never turns down a gallery opening, a hot new restaurant, or trapeze lessons. She’s a yes person! Sometimes what she’s saying yes to is an affair with a married man, but I bet it made for a juicy column that week.

Carrie takes full advantage of living in New York City. She goes to movies alone. She wears whatever the hell she wants. I’ll be brave and admit it: I even think most of her puns are clever. She makes mistakes but there wouldn’t be a Sex and the City if she didn’t.

She has her good moments too:

• Being supportive when Miranda’s mother died, even jumping up during the service to comfort her

• Taking care of a sick Samantha by making that weird cough medicine concoction

• Rushing to Miranda in the hospital after a panic attack

• Standing up for Charlotte at a dating seminar when the “motivational speaker” says she’s not doing enough to find love

I know I’m brainwashed by watching this show on repeat since I was a literal child, but I love all four women! However, even as a Carrie defender, there are many moments she deserves to be dragged for.

Carrie’s worst moments on SATC

Asking to return a gift for cash

Season 2, episode 2

Carrie’s friend, the unforgettable Susan Sharon with an angry husband, gifts her a $900 scarf for her birthday. Yeah, it’s kind of tacky for Susan Sharon to mention how much it cost (she’s in the cashmere industry so she probably got it at a discount), but Carrie immediately says, “Listen, do you mind if I return it? I could really use the cash.” Uhh that’s not how gifts work. If that’s your plan, don’t tell the person!!

Standing people up

Remember when she no-showed plans with Miranda because Mr. Big brought home some veal? “You blew me off for a piece of politically incorrect meat?” I’m sorry, do we think Big knows how to properly cook veal? Carrie’s sort of vindicated though because Miranda met Steve that night.

In the finale, she fails to show up when those French fans organized a little party on her behalf. She spent the whole week wallowing in Paris, ignored by Petrovsky who’s prepping for his “large-scale light installation” opening, only to immediately give up on her one fun plan when her bf suddenly needs her. Once Petrovsky ditches her, she rushes to the party but it’s too late. Ah non, everyone's gone.

Finally, she does this to Matthew McConaughey. A movie studio options her column and flies her out to LA to meet with McConaughey, who’ll potentially play Big (bad casting…). He acts like the kook he is, but Carrie’s so overwhelmed, she blows off the second meeting without giving Matt a heads up. Imagine all the Manolos you could buy with that movie money, Carrie!

Doing absolutely no prep for her seminar

Season 3, episode 16

Carrie's getting paid $300/class (equal to $540 today, okay inflation) to teach something called “Bright Lights, Date City” at The Learning Annex. It’s probably, what? An hour long? She walks into a room full of women, hand on her hip, and without even setting her bag down, this is ALL she says:

“I have had a lot of experience with men. A lot of it good, a lot of it bad, some of it very, very ugly. There are two million single men in this city… I have dated about a million of them. And all of these men are right outside your front door. So the next time you step out in the morning with your shoes and your tote and your traveling cappuccino, take a look around because I’m telling you. Our little metropolis is stacked with men. You never know who you're going to run into. You can turn a corner and boom, bright lights, date city.”

Then she opens it up for questions.

That’s it, her advice is leave the house. The attendees rightfully revolt against her. She slightly redeems herself in the follow-up session (only six women show up), by taking everyone out for drinks at a bar, where she coaches them on how to approach men.

Pitching a (bad) fake book to Big’s ex-wife

Season 1, episode 8

Carrie has issues with boundaries. When she learns that Big was married before, she sets up a covert meeting with his ex-wife, who works in book publishing. That's a little crazy but I’m more upset that she doesn’t even bother to brainstorm a fake pitch ahead of time. On the spot, she tells Big’s ex (Barbara) that her book is about a little girl (Little Cathy), who has magic cigarettes. Babs must suffer from the 😵‍💫 same delusions 😵‍💫 as Carrie because she’s like I love it! then is disappointed later, like, “yeah they won’t go for a book about a child with a Nicotine habit.” I know it was the ‘90s but come on ladies.

Her attitude “helping” Charlotte shop for lingerie

Same episode as The Learning Annex fail.

Charlotte is struggling in her sex life with Trey, so she brings Carrie lingerie shopping with her. Carrie won’t stop making jokes (not even good ones!!) and isn’t being helpful. Char clarifies, “This is important to me, Carrie. I need him to see me sexually.” Carrie goes, “I know sweetie, I'm just not sure I do.” You’re too prudish to help your friend pick out a teddy? You’re not being asked to literally watch them have sex, Carrie. Most repressed sex columnist of all time.

Being judgmental about sex

Carrie’s more of a dating and relationships columnist, but “sex columnist” is a more colorful title. Her job doesn’t require her to explore and endorse every kink, but Carrie is so prudish! She won’t do dirty talk without alcohol, doesn’t believe bisexuality is real, is scandalized by threesomes, thinks kissing after oral sex is gross, and is turned off by rimjobs (fair, IMO). She’s allowed to have opinions (the bisexuality one is BAD though), but for someone who’s a self-described sexual anthropologist, she won’t even let Samantha finish the definition of “teabagging.”

Yelling at Charlotte in her own home for not offering her money!!

Season 4, episode 16

When Carrie and Aidan end their engagement, her options are to move out of her apartment (which Aidan purchased for them) or buy it from him. We learn that she has $700 in her checking account and $957 in her savings account, so she’s in no place to buy Manhattan real estate. Miranda and Samantha offer to help, Charlotte does not.

Carrie shows up unannounced at Charlotte’s apartment, demanding to know why she didn’t extend a $30,000 loan. When Char insists money and friendship don’t mix, Carrie’s comeback about her financial situation is, “Yes I’ve made some mistakes BUT SO HAVE YOU CHARLOTTE AND I’VE ALWAYS SUPPORTED YOU.” Mmm, you didn’t support her financially.

Charlotte ends up giving Carrie her engagement ring from Trey, and Carrie uses that money to buy her apartment. Carrie promises to pay Charlotte back, and this loan situation is never mentioned again.

“Paper covers rock”

Season 6, episode 7

Damn, Carrie was always doing Charlotte dirty.

Charlotte has just gotten engaged to Harry after the heartbreak of divorcing Trey, infertility struggles, and a monster-in-law named Bunny. But that’s too damn bad because Berger broke up with Carrie via a Post-it note. She jokingly (?) slaps the Post-it on Charlotte’s engagement ring, quipping “paper covers rock.”

I’m not sure how this joke lands for you, but 12-year-old me ate it up. Still, not the time, Carrie. I'm sure any time she goes to the bathroom, the other three are like ughhh she spent the whole lunch talking about Big/Berger/Aidan/Petrovsky AGAIN.

Being a baby about her Vogue gig

Season 4, episode 17

Right after we learn of Carrie’s financial troubles, she lands a freelance gig at Vogue, which she wants to quit the second she gets a little too much feedback on her first draft. Girl, grow up!!

Getting jealous of Miranda for being funny

Season 4, episode 1

This is a deeper cut, but remember when the girls go to that “two souls, one thought” engagement party? Miranda is cracking jokes about her single status (“Are you seeing anyone special?” “No, but I am seeing a whole bunch of unspecial guys. That's one of the requirements to date me. Are you special? Sorry! Move along”). When they leave the party, Carrie’s all “what the hell was going on in there with your little comedy routine?”

Miranda, jokes are Carrie’s thing!!

Her criticism of Berger’s book

I don’t like Jack Berger and I hate to defend him. He’s weak and his are my least favorite episodes to rewatch.

But when Carrie reads his book, she says “I looooved it except for ONE HUGE PROBLEM — you had your main character running around in a scrunchie.” Joke’s on Carrie because scrunchies came back in a big way around 2020.

Doesn’t she know when giving feedback on creative work, you need to use the sandwich method? Praise, criticism, praise. Felt like she launched into the criticism a little too quickly there. It’s not a Substack, he can’t edit it. She knows pretty much immediately that she fucked up (“why did I have to get on my sassy horse and ruin everything?”).

The way she handled her Big affair

An affair with your married ex while you’re also in a relationship is wrong. Obviously. But the way she starts it, continues it, ends it, and stays in contact with Big afterward is egregious.

• She never should’ve taken Big’s calls in the first place, what do they have to talk about?

• Sleeps with Big in a hotel room while Aidan spends the whole day redoing her floors

• Loses Aidan’s dog while having a heated convo with Big

• Has sex with Big in his marriage bed, then dilly-dallies around their apartment, EATING THEIR LEFTOVERS. Carrie won’t let Miranda have one yogurt from her fridge, but was about to polish off Big and Natasha’s takeout?

• Confesses the affair to Aidan MINUTES BEFORE Charlotte’s wedding. She’s the maid of honor and shows up late. I know it’s a TV show but was there not a getting ready suite? Did Charlotte sit through hair and makeup alone? Carrie’s going to have red, swollen eyes in those wedding photos. Good thing the marriage didn’t last!

• Stalks Natasha, forces her to sit through an apology, ruins her lunch

• Gets back together with Aidan but insists on staying friends with Big (“he’s in my life,” she shrugs)

• Invites Big to Aidan’s country house and he spends the night!!

Not voting

Season 3, episode 1

Not voting (even/especially in local elections) is such a turnoff. You don’t care about yourself, your loved ones, or your future? In this episode, Carrie’s getting to know Bill Kelley (John Slattery), who’s running to be city comptroller aka Brad Lander.

“So, which district do you vote in?”

“Whichever one is near Barneys.”

“Are you saying you've never voted in New York City?”

“You're correct, Mr. President.”

For a girl who’s so infatuated with New York City, I guess she doesn't give a shit about our schools or hospitals or transportation or small businesses or housing or arts funding or LGBT community. Not even safer streets for pedestrians in heels??

The way she treats Stanford

Carrie treats Stanford the worst of anyone on the show because she barely treats him like a person. “The gay guy is the single gal’s safety net,” she tells him. Stanford is always around for a stroll, a shop, a gossip, a martini. And through all of it, all she ever talks about is herself. She laughs in his face for admitting to having cyber sex and rudely asks him, “when was the last time someone you had a crush on asked you out?”

In episode 6 of season 5, he finally calls her out, after asking for her opinion of his new boyfriend, Marcus. “Nice!” is all she can muster. “Stop. I am done. I’ve listened to you talk about Aidan for ten blocks and two years. I ask you about my Marcus and all I get is ‘nice’?” You tell her, Stanny. If he did run away to Japan to become a Shinto monk, like And Just Like That… wants us to believe, I don’t blame him for getting the hell away from Carrie.

This hair and makeup in Atlantic City

Season 5, episode 3

What else, what else

• Speaking of SATC, the New York Times profiled the real Mr. Big, who’s long-married and living in Vermont with a $55K tractor (sounds more like Aidan). Plenty of good quotes, including "I never said I loved her” about Candace Bushnell aka Carrie. I love a look into New York media in the ‘80s and ‘90s when there were unlimited expense accounts.

• Reallyyy enjoyed the new Song Exploder episode about Goo Goo Dolls’ “Iris.” Every time I listen to that podcast, I’m like why don’t I listen to this every week?? They don’t make songs like “Iris” anymore.

• Best things I ate this week: the chocolate chip cookie from Saint Street Cakes in Fort Greene (v cute and girly interior), crispy rice salad from Thai Diner, and lobster noodles from Wayan.

• My husband Drew wrote a short story called Rockaway Bitch and how’s this for a logline: "A boorish man asks to borrow a woman's surfboard." It’s a tense taut toxic male surfing story set in Rockaway Beach, Queens.