Who’s your favorite fictional pop star?

Ft. an And Just Like That… recap

Isn’t it crazy that we have so many amazing pop stars IRL but movies and shows struggle to portray compelling ones? It’s got to be difficult to convince top songwriters to create believable fake hits. I get it, if they’re legitimately good, they want Dua Lipa or another real-life star to record them.

Hollywood has no shortage of acting talent, but capturing the pop star it-factor is something you can’t fake. If you’ve seen 2018’s Vox Lux (Brady Corbet’s last film before his Best Picture-nominated The Brutalist), you know this is true. Natalie Portman — one of the better actresses of her generation and enchanting in those Dior commercials — could not pull off an arena performance despite doing choreo in a catsuit, singing songs by Sia. It just didn’t work.

The struggles to believably portray pop stardom don’t stop me from seeking out any and all attempts. Fame, selling out, and music industry manipulation are like catnip to me. Hence why I was one of few who saw Vox Lux in theaters.

I identify as a poptimist. I think quality pop music deserves the same reverence and critical analysis as rock or jazz or classical. Popularity doesn’t make something less credible. Scholar Harry Styles once said, “Who’s to say that young girls who like pop music – short for popular, right? – have worse musical taste than a 30-year-old hipster guy? That’s not up to you to say.” He knows who butters his bread. Or his crumpet, whatever.

While fictional pop music almost never rises to the level of Prince, Madonna, or Rihanna, there are a few that I can’t help but stan.

My favorite fictional pop acts

Ashley O - Black Mirror

A lot of people would include Hannah Montana on their list, but I was a little too old for that show. Didn’t stop me from seeing Hannah Montana: The Movie in theaters of course. That’s practically monoculture.

I have to go with another Miley character: Ashley O from season 5 of Black Mirror. Her song, “I’m On a Roll” appeared on my Spotify Wrapped at least three years in a row. That episode, like every Black Mirror, is about AI and depression.

Ashley O’s “On A Roll” works surprisingly well considering it’s a reworked, bubblegum version of Nine Inch Nails’ “Head Like A Hole.” This song had a moment. Miley even performed it at Glastonbury in a purple Ashley O wig. Do you think she has wig trauma from her Hannah days?

Once you internalize the song’s lyric “I'm stoked on ambition and verve, I'm gonna get what I deserve,” there’s nothing else a self-help book can teach you.

Powerline - A Goofy Movie

“It's only Powerline, Dad. The biggest rock star on the planet.” And you know what, I believe Powerline would be massive.

The guy who performs Powerline’s tracks is Tevin Campbell, a Prince protégé. You can hear Prince’s influence on Powerline, updated with a more ‘90s R&B-pop sound. If you love A Goofy Movie and you haven’t already, watch the documentary Not Just a Goof (on Disney+) to see how they conceptualized and filmed the “I2I” scene. I honestly think “I2I” might be the single best song on this list, and “Stand Out” is fun too.

Sing Street - Sing Street

WATCH SING STREET IF YOU HAVEN’T. It’s on Netflix. I also recommend another John Carney film, Flora and Son.

Sing Street is about an Irish teen in the ‘80s who starts a band to impress a girl, but the band turns out to be genuinely good. This movie’s got multiple bops that’ll stick with you. Their sound is based on Duran Duran and Hall and Oates, so if you love synthy ‘80s music, you’ll be adding “The Riddle of the Model” and “Drive It Like You Stole It” to your playlists. At the end of the movie, the band hasn’t yet hit it big, but I believe in their potential.

Jocelyn - The Idol

Say what you want about The Idol (endless think pieces!!), but Lily-Rose Depp fully committed to her role of Jocelyn, a pop girl working on her comeback single after the death of her mother. Tough to overcome acting alongside The Weeknd (playing a character named TEDROS TEDROS) but Lily-Rose killed it.

I am skeptical that the name Jocelyn is a mononym worthy of the Adeles, Beyoncés, and Chers of the world. No offense to any Jocelyns reading. My name’s Katelyn and that wouldn’t suffice either. None of that diminishes my love of “World Class Sinner / I’m A Freak,” a Jocelyn song that went at least triple platinum in my AirPods.

Would she succeed in the real world? People can barely handle Sabrina Carpenter’s new album cover, what would they say about the hyper-hyper-hyper-sexualized Jocelyn?

P.S. Remember how The Idol’s original showrunner, Amy Seimetz, was replaced after The Weeknd allegedly complained the show was too focused on the “female perspective.” It’s a show about a female pop idol, buddy.

Kelly Cantor - Country Strong

Oh I’m sorry, do you not get chills when Kelly Cantor aka tragic Faith Hill takes the stage to sing “Country Strong”? She’s dealing with addiction and PTSD, and we repeatedly watch Kelly struggle to get through a full song. It’s cathartic when she finally succeeds.

My favorite songs on the Country Strong soundtrack are the ones by Garrett Hedlund as Beau Hutton (thought Garrett was going to be HUGE after this) and Leighton Meester as Chiles Stanton, especially “Give In To Me.” Given how huge country music has been the last few years, I think Country Strong would've been a way bigger hit if released today vs. 2010.

Ally - A Star is Born

A fictional performer played by Lady Gaga, yes please. We watch her character Ally’s journey from aspiring songwriter to Jackson Maine’s duet partner, and eventually a Grammy-winning pop ingenue. I’m a fan of every iteration. She can do Edith Piaf covers, mid-tempo pop-rock, and can even pull off the line “why’d you come around me with an ass like that?”

Bradley Cooper is clearly NOT a poptimist. This movie sneers at pop music, painting Ally’s mainstream success as a loss of integrity. I can’t agree. She kills the red hair and SNL performance, while still seeming artistically fulfilled.

Don’t even get me started on “Shallow” and that soaring, instantly iconic note Gaga hits on the bridge to rightfully earn her a Best Original Song Oscar.

Proto Zoa - Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century

This movie takes place in the year 2049. While I don’t think many of us will live on a space station in ~20 years, maybe frosted tips like Proto Zoa’s will be back in style. He’s the lead singer of Microbe, the thermo band in the Disney Channel Original Movie, Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century and its sequel.

Proto Zoa’s stellanarious. He’s lunarious. He’s British. He wears a snakeskin suit. He performs in space (but not in a Katy-Perry way). The song “Supernova Girl” slaps. I think it holds up but I played it for Drew (he’s never seen a DCOM but appreciates a solid pop number) and he was all “guess you had to be there.” Cetus lupeedus! 🙄

PoP! - Music & Lyrics

Music & Lyrics deserved some recognition among my rom-com superlatives, it’s delightful. Our favorite scamp Hugh Grant plays a has-been pop star who was in a big British ‘80s band called PoP!, very much in the style of Wham!

The movie opens with their video for "PoP! Goes My Heart" which is ridiculous and exuberant and a total earworm. There’s a decent chance this would’ve charted high if released IRL in the 1980s. Love to see Hugh singing, dancing, and being silly, just like my favorite part of Love Actually.

Alexis Rose - Schitt's Creek

I’ve been honest about not watching Schitt’s Creek, I know I know. But even I’ve heard the Alexis Rose banger, “A Little Bit Alexis.” As a fan of Paris Hilton’s “Stars are Blind” and later Britney hits like “Work Bitch,” this was basically engineered for my sensibilities.

I'm a Lamborghini

I'm a Hollywood star

I'm a little bit tipsy when I drive my car

I'm expensive sushi, I'm a cute huge yacht

I'm a little bit single, even when I'm not

If the rest of her discography is even close to “A Little Bit Alexis,” I’m her biggest fan.

Conner4Real - Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping

God, what a dumb, fun movie. Can’t believe they got Ringo Starr to do talking heads for a mockumentary about a delusional rapper-singer called Conner4Real. Popstar definitely feels like an Obama-era relic because it’s made by The Lonely Island and they’re parodying artists of that time like Macklemore. The songs Andy Samberg performs aren’t that far off what’s on Top 40 radio, but imagine hearing “She wanted to fuck me harder than the US government fucked Bin Laden” at the grocery store.

The School of Rock - School of Rock

I’m serious that School of Rock should’ve been on the New York Times’ recent 100 Best Movies of the 21st Century list. A perfect film.

I know they’re children, not pop stars, but their final performance is among the best songs in this post. “Today’s ASSignment? Kick some ASS.” It’s a crime they didn’t win Battle of the Bands.

The School of Rock would not function as a band in the real world, given its members are fifth graders destined to move on to sixth grade. But it could work — plenty of real-life bands go through frequent lineup changes.

Velma Kelly - Chicago

Pop star might be pushing it but Velma Kelly (aka Catherine Zeta-Jones) seems to be a relatively successful nightclub performer admired by Renée Zellwegger’s Roxie Hart. Even if she wasn't a household name before murdering her sister and husband, "All That Jazz" is an undeniable hit. And Catherine Zeta-Jones is so charismatic! I see why she won the Oscar. If there are any mistakes in this post, please accept this CZJ Instagram Story as my excuse.

Lustra (?) - EuroTrip

There’s a question mark because Lustra is the real band that sings “Scotty Doesn’t Know,” but in the movie, they’re fronted by a shaved-head, tattooed and pierced Matt Damon (how! did! they! get! him!) and his band name isn’t mentioned. When I was in middle school, EuroTrip was the height of comedy (it would not fly today), and you can bet I had this song on my first iPod.

In the film, the main character (Scotty!) learns that his girlfriend has been cheating on him with Damon’s character when he hears the song “Scotty Doesn’t Know.” Love when a musical number advances the plot.

“I can’t believe he’s so trusting, while I’m right behind you thrusting.” 😬

“I did her on his birthday.” 😬

Envy Adams - Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

This movie’s not really my thing but I’m locked in as soon as Envy Adams (played by Brie Larson) starts singing. Doesn’t hurt that she’s covering a Metric song. Envy is so cool and hot. The red platform heels and black mini-dress with that platinum blonde blunt bangs/high pigtail hairstyle.

Re: actors aren’t always convincing as musicians on film. This is not an issue for Brie Larson, who released a pop-rock album in her teens and clearly has stage presence.

Rachel Marron - The Bodyguard

Is this cheating? Rachel Marron is by far the best singer on this list because she has the benefit of being played by Whitney Houston and shares a music catalogue with Whitney Houston. “I Will Always Love You,” “I Have Nothing,” and “Queen of the Night.” No other movie can compete with those songs. The Bodyguard is melodramatic but that’s what makes it a great plane watch.

Other favorites

• Robin Sparkles from How I Met Your Mother. Should’ve included “Let’s Go to the Mall” in my favorite Canadian pop culture list!

• The Partridge Family because I was raised on “I Think I Love You.”

• Josie & the Pussycats. I saw Josie for the first time only a few years ago (embarrassing). They sound like the Donnas to me and I liked "3 Small Words," but was obsessed with their style above all else. Shallow takeaway from a movie with a lot to say about consumerism and subliminal messaging, oops!

• Samantha James from Just Friends because I don’t think her music is that far off from Addison Rae and I say that as a fan of Addison’s album! “Okay Ron, which jokester changed the key on me?”

• Deena Jones in Dreamgirls. Beyoncé doing a fictionalized version of Diana Ross, who doesn’t want to see that? Another solid plane movie.

• Stillwater in Almost Famous. I imagine it’s not easy to make a fictional 70s rock band believable but Stillwater’s “Fever Dog” sounds legit to me. Billy Crudup, Jason Lee, and the other actors playing the band are styled to 70s perfection. Kind of wish men still dressed like that.

• The Messengers in La La Land. This scene always confused me because we’re supposed to be as disturbed as Emma Stone is, watching her boyfriend sell out instead of sticking to traditional jazz. K, so why is “Start a Fire” by far the best song in the movie? Another one that looks down on pop.

• The Beets in Doug. Have you listened to “Killer Tofu” lately? There’s no reason a silly song in a children’s cartoon needed to be that good.

• Isabel Banta’s book Honey. It’s about fictional pop girls in the late ‘90s/early ‘00s modeled after Britney, Christina, Jessica, Mandy. Its themes are heavier than you’d expect but scratches the itch if you want a dose of TRL-era content.

• Daisy Jones & the Six. Haven’t seen the show (🤷‍♀️) but the book’s hard to put down. You’ve probably already read it, I don’t need to convince you.

Still need to see

• This Is Spinal Tap

• Perfect Blue

• Girls5eva

• That Thing You Do!

And Just Like That… recap (season 3, episode 6)

Haven’t talked about AJLT the last few weeks but don’t worry, it’s still horrendous. As others have pointed out, Lisa Todd Wexley’s father was dead in season 1 (she mentions his recent passing to Charlotte), alive and well at a dinner party in season 2, and in season 3’s most recent episode, he once again passes away while LTW’s editing her documentary. Losing a father once is devastating enough, poor LTW has to go through it twice. I treated my high school ice-cream scooping job with more conviction than the writers treat this HBO dream gig.

Here are my scattered thoughts on this week’s ep.

• Starting with a compliment: SJP is above average at eating-and-drinking acting. She’s taking enough bites to make it seem real, wiping lipstick off her wine glass, and pausing to take sips.

• Was Aidan applying Rogaine while chatting with Carrie on the phone? Nice callback to his Rogaine usage in SATC. Okay writers, I’ll give you one.

• Finally, Charlotte wears a lovely, effortless dress worthy of her classic style and not an overly fussy, big-belted tweed thing.

  

• There’s also discourse about how unrealistic it is that a now-unemployed Seema has no money saved from her successful real estate career. Idk, even rich people live beyond their means and once paychecks stop, it catches up to them.

• Miranda refusing to go $150k over asking for her perfect apartment (not for financial reasons but on principle) seems silly. She’s a savvy woman — or used to be. I’m a renter and even I know that’s the way real estate works sometimes.

• As an original Aidan fan, AJLT has completely ruined him. Their relationship is such a drag and I can’t believe week-in, week-out we watch Carrie compose voice notes instead of gallivanting around the city on dates!

• There’s no right way to tell someone their father died, but I thought Herbert was pretty cold and blunt in how he broke the news. He makes up for it later by finishing Lisa’s eulogy when she’s too emotional to carry on.

• Kristin Davis has been getting a lot of criticism for how bad her acting is, but I thought she was bang-on in the scene where LTW shares the news of her dad’s passing. She was always a superb crier on SATC.

• Obviously Carrie is going to sleep with her downstairs neighbor and Aidan’s going to dump her. This is such a waste of time.

• Miranda’s son Brady is suddenly sweet and personable after being a complete brat in season 1! Is that what studying abroad can do?

• Carrie still has so little furniture after months and months of living there. Empty-ass house for an empty-ass show.

• She and Aidan immediately having sex after he admitted to sleeping with his ex. Whatever works for them…

• I did enjoy seeing LTW’s usually rude mother-in-law be sweet to her for a sec.

• Sorry to be heartless, but would the entire extended friend group be at LTW’s father’s funeral? Are Lisa and Seema close?

• Carrie and Aidan cracking up at the funeral, I hate you guys!!

• Carrie has three postcards on her fridge. I know she’s a chic single-ish lady with no furniture but wouldn’t she have a few pictures with her friends or of their kids? Someone? Something?

• I’m relieved Charlotte told Carrie about Harry’s cancer. I know he’s going to be fine, but I love the women’s friendship moments. Hey, remember their friend Samantha?

This week’s media intake

• I read the memoir Ambition Monster, about a workaholic coming up in mid-00s media and tech at places like Lucky magazine and Yahoo! I enjoyed it. As someone who strives to do well at work but doesn’t identify as an ambition monster, it made me feel better about my dedication to work-life balance. At a certain point, once your needs are met and you get what you want, you just want more. As the writer put it, “the path from contented rube to status goblin is short.”

• I saw Sunset Blvd. on Broadway for a 7th and final time this week. This article spoke with people who’ve seen it nearly 40 times, which makes me feel less alone in my obsession. I’m really going to miss this show!

• Watched Jaws with some friends on the Fourth of July!!

• Anyone else watch Mariska Hargitay’s HBO doc about her mom, Jayne Mansfield? Yep, I cried.