Celebrity scandals & embarrassing moments I still think about

Stars — they're just like us. But more cringe.

Sometimes I feel bad for how much I think about celebrities and how much I know about them. Gwen Stefani’s children are named Zuma, Kingston, and Apollo. I can’t name most of my second cousins, but Gwen and Gavin’s offspring? I’ll never forget.

My interest in celebrity is parasocial, meaningless, and a waste of my dwindling brain cells. But isn’t that human nature — to be nosy and a little judgmental? I think as long as I give up my subway seat to old people and try to be a good friend, indulging in some celeb gossip isn’t the worst thing in the world.

Celebrity moments that have stuck with me

Zac Efron dropping a condom on The Lorax red carpet

Was this a live PSA for safe sex? Back in 2012, Zac Efron was walking the red carpet for The Lorax, a children’s movie, when a condom fell out of his pocket. I’m no prude but who was he planning to fuck after the foreplay of watching his animated self for 90 minutes? His co-star, Betty White?

He was hot and this only made him hotter.

Cara Delevingne dropping cocaine and trying to hide it

Celebs need to be more careful, huh. Cara is now in recovery, which is great, but remember when she dropped a little baggie in front of the paps and tried to stealthily hide it under her shoe?

See also: The shot of Cara and Ashley Benson carrying a sex swing into their house. I hope those two had fun together.

Bradley Cooper and Suki Waterhouse reading Lolita

Embarrassing for him, not for her. He was 38, she was 21, and they chose to read Lolita together in a public park. Has to be staged, right?

Does anyone actually read books like this with their significant other? Is one person supposed to read aloud or do both people read in their heads in unison? I’d be anxious about not reading fast enough and wouldn’t absorb anything.

I’m happy Suki is now with Robert Pattison. The video of her pranking him is so cute.

Fergie’s All-Star national anthem

Instant classic.

I hold the unpopular opinion that not every pop star needs to be a great singer, they just have to entertain. Fergie has given us a lot over the years.

• She sounded terrible at the 2011 Super Bowl halftime show

• She peed her pants onstage

• She did cartwheels on The Today Show

• She did this

But her national anthem at the 2018 NBA All-Star game was the best. Right around the :10 mark, things go off the rails. “What so proouuuud-laywayyyhayyyld.” Cut to Steph Curry, unsure, suddenly unfocused on the game, waiting to see where this goes.

The best part is “OOOooooOOOooH sayyYYYyyy,” when finally, Draymond Green can no longer hold in his laughter and other players join in. Oh Stacy Ferguson, she looks so proud at the end.

Miley Cyrus smoking “salvia”

This hasn’t aged well as a scandal because what’s salvia and who cares about weed, but Miley was 18 and still on Disney Channel. To this day, she insists it was only salvia.

After her bong hit, she spends the rest of the video rapping the same part of “Bottoms Up” repeatedly and shouting, “Is that Liam? Is that my boyfriend?” about a Liam Hemsworth lookalike we never get to see. Lazy camerawork.

“Declare everything when you enter Australia”

Once upon a time, Johnny Depp and Amber Heard brought their dogs Pistol and Boo into Australia and I guess that's illegal. Judging by their body language and monotone delivery, it seems they were held hostage and forced to make an apology video in which Depp (who used to be a good actor), soullessly encourages viewers to “declare everything when you enter Australia.”

At least these two went on to have a happy ending.

Adele Dazeem

I blame his team. I’m sure John Travolta has given away most of his money to the Church of Scientology, but doesn’t he pay people to prevent things like this from happening?

Lars von Trier saying “I’m a Nazi”

Back in 2011 while doing a panel for Melancholia (good movie! depressing), in front of our beloved Kirsten Dunst, director Lars von Trier got on a tangent that led to him saying he “understands” and “sympathizes” with Hitler, culminating in, “OK I’m a Nazi” and ruining Kirsten’s Oscar buzz. Oof.

Bella Hadid sneaker shopping

I relate to this one. Sometimes I get halfway through an idiom I barely know, or I find myself using a phrase I’ve never said before, like “I need to visit the Guggenheim lickety split” and it’s like, who am I??

That’s Bella Hadid this whole video. She’s uncomfortable. She starts out the interview strong enough, expressing opinions like guys and girls wearing “matching shoes… that’s dope.”

When asked about her sneaker turn-offs, she states, “I’m cool with dirty sneakers but they better be fresh. If homeboy's coming through with these, it's quiet for him. But if he comes through in these, you got some Air Maxes out here, you got some Jordans, homeboy's gonna like… get it.”

She trails off. No confidence, no conviction in what she’s saying. Finally, some representation for low-energy people.

Jeff Bezos’ leaked texts

What pet names do you use for your lover? Because in 2019, Jeff Bezos’ texts to his then-mistress/now fiancee Lauren Sánchez leaked and he referred to her as “alive girl.” In contrast to his then-wife MacKenzie, who must’ve been a corpse.

The full context is: “I love you, alive girl. I will show you with my body, and my lips and my eyes, very soon.”

Kim Cattrall scatting

Kim almost sells this but scatting is simply too difficult to pull off. It’s embarrassing! This couple is now divorced, so I guess a love of scat (sorry) wasn’t enough.

"We just have a good rhythm together, you know. He sort of feels me out. I feel him out and we go for it."

Actors are aliens.

Angelina Jolie kissing her brother on the mouth a lot

I love a good sibling bond, especially siblings of different genders because it’s not always a given that you’ll be close. I love my brother, but I wouldn’t kiss him on the lips or declare, “I’m so in love with my brother right now. He just held me and said he loved me, and I know he’s so happy for me. Thank you for that.”

We let this go because she went on to do weird shit with Billy Bob Thornton and marry Brad Pitt and do a lot of humanitarian work and direct boring movies.

Christian Bale losing it on set

In 2009, we got a recording of Christian Bale ranting at his director of photography on the set of Terminator Salvation after the guy distracted him during a scene. Bale was FURIOUS. Four minutes straight of swearing and screaming.

Was he justified? Honestly, idk. We don’t have video or the full context. But if a woman had been caught doing this, she probably would’ve been made to enter rehab for exhaustion.

The elevator

I NEED to know who killed JonBenét and I NEED the audio from Jay-Z and Solange’s elevator fight. Based on all the music we got after, we know what happened, but I still want to hear every word that was said.

I hate when people fight but I love Solange’s passion. She’s kicking, hitting, and lunging at Jay while Beyoncé stands there and Bey’s bodyguard Julius intervenes. Imagine all that Julius knows, all he’s seen!

Hilaria Baldwin (of Boston, MA) pretending she doesn't know the word “cucumber”

“We have umm how do you say in English — cucumber?”

Now this was a fun scandal. Hilaria was born Hillary Hayward-Thomas to American parents and raised in Boston. She later rebranded to Hilaria, married Alec Baldwin, spoke in a Spanish accent, and claimed Mallorca was her birthplace. That’s one loca chica.

Kendall Jenner genuinely not knowing how to chop a cucumber

Celebs and their cucumbers. I certainly don’t have the greatest knife skills, but Kenny’s cutting that cuke like she’s never been inside a kitchen before. Kris offers the chef to do it for her but Kendall insists on being independent and tries her best.

Timothée Chalamet and Lily-Rose Depp’s yacht kiss

Maybe this is embarrassing to admit, but these pics are the reason Drew and I recorded ourselves kissing ahead of our wedding. We didn’t want our grandkids to one day be subjected to photos of us looking like this:

Vanessa Hudgens’ Covid livestream

Any time I say “I get it” or “I respect it,” I’m tempted to finish Vanessa’s iconic, weed-fueled speech only five days into the pandemic: "I'm sorry but like, it's a virus, I get it, like, I respect it but at the same time like, even if everybody gets it, like, yeah people are gonna die, which is terrible but like, inevitable? I don't know, maybe I shouldn't be doing this right now.”

Tom Cruise jumping on Oprah’s couch

Classic. Have you rewatched it lately? It’s not just that he jumped on the couch. He’s acting like a damn fool in front of Oprah. He grabs Oprah, shakes Oprah, clasps Oprah’s hands, laughs manically in Oprah’s face. It’s not a coherent conversation. All because he’s so in love with Katie Holmes.

Finally, Oprah makes him go backstage to find Katie, who’s running away and hiding from Tom in the bowels of Oprah’s studio. He forces her out on stage, hostage-style. She’s embarrassed. They hug. He lifts her off the ground. Oprah is thrilled, knowing her show will receive nonstop news coverage.

Want more TomKat insanity? Go back and read this W Magazine piece on Katie or enjoy the weirdo excerpt below.

Zayn Malik allegedly calling Yolanda Hadid a “f—ing Dutch slut”

There’s nothing funny about assault, so if Zayn Malik shoved Gigi’s mom Yolanda, that’s horrible. But calling her a “fucking Dutch slut” reminds me of one of my high school soccer games, when a girl on the opposing team called my teammate a Catholic bitch. My teammate wasn’t Catholic or a bitch, and it was such a random insult that I’ve never forgotten it.

Yolanda Hadid is Dutch though. I loved her time on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, when she’d do lemon cayenne cleanses, body-shame her model daughters, and dote on her ex-husband David Foster (who is evil incarnate).

DJ Khaled admitting he doesn't go down on women

DJ Khaled said he would never go down on his wife because “it’s different rules for men," and “we the king.” Of course, it’s not an option for women to opt out of performing oral sex because according to him, “there’s some things that y’all might not wanna do, but it got to get done. I just can’t do what you want me to do. I just can’t."

Okay, loser!

All the Don’t Worry Darling drama

So.much.happened.

• Jason Sudeikis threw himself in front of Olivia Wilde’s car to stop her from bringing Harry Styles her special salad dressing (not a euphemism, or is it?)

• We got texts between the nanny and Jason

• The “Miss Flo” video Olivia sent Shia LaBeouf

• Jason served Olivia with custody papers while she was onstage talking about the movie

• Olivia praised Florence constantly while Florence totally ignored her

• SpitGate

All the drama completely overshadowed the movie, which critics did not like, but honestly, I did!

Ezra Miller terrorizing Hawaii

I feel bad that Ezra Miller deals with mental health issues, but I can’t hear their name anymore without remembering that in 2022, Hawaii residents were more likely to be attacked by Ezra than by a shark. They were responsible for at least ten calls to the police and arrested twice for assault and harassment.

The first arrest occurred when Ezra yelled obscenities and became agitated “when a couple began singing Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper’s ‘Shallow’ at a karaoke bar.” I can’t relate, it’s an incredible song!

Balegdah

Do Americans know Little Mix? The girl group never really crossed over in the U.S. but I consider myself a bit of a Mixer (“Black Magic” and “Wasabi” are fun). Anyway, you have to watch this video of ex-Little Mix member Jesy Nelson attempting a Jamaican accent.

Ariana Grande’s tattoo error

No one could forget her doughnut-licking, “I hate America” scandal or her controversial romance with Spongebob, but I’m partial to the time Ari wanted a tattoo of Japanese characters that read “7 Rings” (great song) but what she got instead translated to “small charcoal grill.” Kind of cute.

Jonah Hill being an awful bf

In 2023, Jonah Hill’s ex-girlfriend Sarah Brady shared screenshots of their text messages as a warning to other women in toxic relationships. Among his ultimatums, Jonah insisted that she stop surfing with men and posting pictures of herself in a swimsuit. One problem: Sarah’s a semi-professional surfer.

This all came out shortly after he released a documentary about therapy, which he clearly needed more of.

Harvey Weinstein’s groin

Do you know about Harvey Weinstein’s junk? He’s a disgusting rapist so I feel entitled to make fun of his body. Details emerged during his sexual assault trial and the jury was shown photos of his nether regions 😱.

Here’s what we know:

• In the ‘90s, Harvey had surgery to remove some of his scrotum, which caused a lot of scarring

• Due to an infection, his testicles were taken from his scrotum and put into his inner thighs (??)

• Now, where his testicles used to be, it’s “like empty skin”

• One woman said, “His penis was disgusting. It looked like it had been chopped off and sewn back on, like something wasn’t right about it.”

• Another woman recalled his penis as “kind of fish-like,” and “something was distorted in the testicles … Lots of skin, lots of skin down there.”

Sorry, now you’ll think about this too.

Mariah Carey giving up during her 2017 NYE performance

I love live television.

Lindsay Lohan trying to kidnap children while speaking in a fake accent

This one’s hard to watch. In 2018, Lindsay went on Instagram Live to accuse a homeless woman of trafficking her own children. Lindsay offered to get the family a hotel room and when they declined, LL got aggressive.

She tried to grab the kids and shouted "You’re ruining Arabic culture" all while speaking in a Middle Eastern (?) accent. Linds is from Long Island. Their mother rightfully punched her in the face. Lindsay then cried into the camera and said “I’m so scared.”

P.S. Remember her sex list. Not necessarily embarrassing or scandalous but juicy because Ashton Kutcher, Justin Timberlake, Adam Levine, and several other famous men were on there.

Justin Bieber not knowing the word “German”

I’m not a Belieber but I have compassion for Justin because he was young and overworked, with inept parents, little schooling, and only Hillsong for guidance. Still, JB not knowing the word “German” even after seeing it on paper is a little embarrassing.

Other classic Bieber moments: Saying he hopes Anne Frank would’ve been a Belieber (kind of sweet, no?), peeing into a mop bucket while saying “fuck Bill Clinton” (he’s not wrong), and calling the Sistine Chapel the Sixteenth Chapel.

Reese Witherspoon’s arrest

In 2013, Reese’s ex-husband was arrested for a DUI while she was in the passenger seat. She gets heated and also ends up under arrest.

Reese can’t believe what’s happening. Instead of reprising her role as Elle Woods and talking her way out of it, she’s super obnoxious. She repeats over and over, “I’m an American citizen, I can do whatever I want to do.” Wasn’t true then and certainly isn’t true under our current administration.

Disappointingly, she pulls the “do you know who I am?” card, to which I’m like “I thought America’s sweetheart, but nvm.” She also warns the police officer, “you’re about to find out who I am!” and “this will be in the national news.” She was right, and it was a bad look for her.

Don’t drink and drive!!

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What celebrity mishaps have stuck with you?

Oh, btw:

• This John Fetterman profile is scary and sad! Get him out of there.

• Saw Sinners and people are right. It’s good. 4 out of 5 stars from me. I can only enjoy vampire stuff so much. There’s one beautiful, kind of bold scene about halfway through that made me tear up.

• The Friendship trailer with Tim Robinson and Paul Rudd looks sooo funny. The scene of the dads singing? Perfect song choice. Who thought of that??

• Has anyone watched Amy Sherman-Palladino’s new show, Étoile? It’s next on my list. Ballet is so toxic and aspirational.

• The new season of The Rehearsal is here. I felt meh about ep 1, but after ep 2, I’m all in! The Paramount+ stuff was crazy. I’m obsessed with Nathan’s mind.