Carrie Bradshaw’s 10 worst outfits

Another SATC post because AJLT is back. Acronyms!

Oops, I’m writing about Sex and the City again. ICYMI, I already covered my 10 favorite SATC episodes and 10 underrated Carrie Bradshaw looks. I only have so many interests and the show is such a rich text. Plus, the follow-up series And Just Like That… returned for its third season this week. It’s one of the worst things I’ve ever seen and I wouldn’t dare miss an ep!

What did we think of the premiere?

As usual, the storylines were nonsensical and the dialogue didn’t remotely resemble normal human conversation. The following excerpt may not seem that bad, but these are the opening lines of the season, spoken between beloved characters we’ve known for 25+ years:

[Carrie, Charlotte, and Miranda drink cocktails at a bar]

Miranda: Guys, thanks. I couldn't do another one of these lady bars alone with no one coming up to talk to me. It was like law school, minus the penises.

Carrie: So, not law school.

[Miranda laughs.]

I watched this exchange five times. I called Drew into the room to check if Carrie’s making a joke. She never misses the chance to pun. But no, she’s just agreeing with Miranda’s point — law school was full of men, this bar is not. Was there really no funnier, more interesting way to open the season? I know it doesn’t seem like a big deal but the OG show is full of witty banter.

Anyway. Miranda sleeps with a virgin nun played by Rosie O’Donnell. Carrie and Aidan have depressing phone sex despite being on a five-year break. Charlotte’s dog gets “canceled” (did Kristin Davis forget how to act?). Lisa Todd Wexley says “sheroes” and Seema wears silk. Can’t wait for next week!

Now for Carrie’s 10 worst outfits

Accessory explosion

SATC costume designer Pat Field is a genius except when she’s not. The dress is ill-fitting and there's way too much going on between the big necklace, corsage, white pumps, and a scarf pointing 🆙. Just because the scarf is Hermès doesn’t make it okay. As my grandma would say, too much hazarai.

The final fit

This wouldn’t be so disappointing if it weren’t the last time we see Carrie Bradshaw in the original (non-bastardized) SATC universe. I respect that she’s wearing her fur 😬 from the early seasons, good callback. But again, too much happening. Fugly skirt with a blue sweater, hot pink scarf, and red shoes that clash. I assume the tulle peeking out is a nod to the opening credits tutu, but it’s a flop execution IMO.

Kate Gosselin vibes

Not to sound like a coastal elite or insult mothers (they dress cool too!), but this looks so 2004 suburban soccer mom. It’s like she’s wearing a nightgown over a top she bought with Kohl’s Cash. The hair isn’t helping.

Hat-hazard

In the words of Jack Skellington, “what’s this?” Carrie wears a red-and-green plaid hat better suited for a Seabiscuit-era jockey with a Laura Ingalls Wilder skirt and a “C” sweater.

I know our girl is still fresh off a broken engagement, but she shouldn’t have lost her way THIS much. Season 5 is an abomination, clothing-wise, including when she wears a visor with a flapper dress on a cross-country train trip and a loofah on her head to Brady’s baptism. SJP was pregnant while filming, and they tried to distract us with bad clothes, hair, and accessories.

Lizzie McGuire did it better

I’ll be honest, I love the tie-dye capris!! If you swapped her Chanel top for a white cami and lost the bandana, it would’ve been so cute, so Carrie. I truly believe a 14-year-old Hilary Duff could’ve pulled this off perfectly. I know that’s the point of this episode (everyone getting in touch with their teenage selves), but it’s too chaotic to give her a pass.

Various wedding ensembles

Skipping to the movies real quick. I loathe Carrie’s wedding look. Hate the rumpled bed sheet dress, hate the pointy bust, hate the severe makeup, hate the DEAD BIRD on her head. Even Vivienne Westwood makes mistakes.

Then we have what she wears for Stanford and Anthony’s ceremony. I’m downright offended by this headpiece she’s so proud of. I object to this accessory and I object to the forced union of the two gay characters who never liked each other.

Most of her swimwear

We know Carrie is capable of looking hot by water, I included an example in my underrated outfits roundup. But otherwise, her swim wardrobe seems to consist of dingy-looking bra tops and long green shorts. Where’s the glamour?

Limp gingham

This look is giving me nothing. It’s like plain oatmeal. Worse, it’s porridge. We watch SATC for escapism and fantasy, and season 6 is the sleekest, most expensive-looking one, so why are we settling for Carrie’s version of trad wife? Shapeless, boring, blah.

The one everybody hates

Were the previous outfits so terrible that this is starting to grow on me? Cute color palette and I welcome any opportunity to gaze upon SJP’s abs. If she didn’t have the little hair crown (cage?) or the bare midriff belt, this would’ve been passable. She’s clearly spiraling amidst wedding planning and that’s manifesting in her attire.

Sad safari

This is actually Carrie’s worst outfit of all time. That’s why it’s so hard to find a decent photo of it. We’re all trying to forget. If you’re feeling brave, you can see it in motion here.

There’s nothing redeemable. A safari vest with brown kneepad tights. And wedges! This is the episode in which she and Berger first say “I love you” and we know they’re dysfunctional, so again, her mental health is reflected in her wardrobe decisions!

More, more, more

• This week, I saw the play John Proctor is the Villain and it was incredible. It treats girlhood and pop music (heavy on Lorde and Taylor Swift) with reverence. I cried the last 10 minutes out of catharsis.

• Made the Marry Me chickpeas, which are overhyped. My favorite gentrified chickpea recipe is still Alison Roman’s “The Stew.”

• Watching a lot of French Open tennis. And! I got my US Open tickets. Prices are up like 30% from last year for worse seats!! Let’s blame Trump.

• Finished one book this week (What It’s Like In Words by Eliza Moss) that I can’t fully recommend but it was toxic enough to keep me engaged. I DNF’d Anxious People by Fredrik Backman. It thinks it’s sooo cute and funny. I wasn’t convinced.

• Miley’s new album sounds expensive AF. In the era of TikTok-length attention spans, I appreciate that she’s going for it with six-minute songs backed by a full orchestra. Fave tracks are “Walk of Fame” and “Every Girl You’ve Ever Loved.”

• If you didn’t watch The Rehearsal season 2, you’re missing out. Don’t read anything about it, skip season 1 (watch it later), and binge immediately. Nathan Fielder is a genius and honestly, I would.